Chapter 5: Just Passing Through

I stumble back into Rat & Raven, a lost cause.

For all my bluster earlier, I can’t stay away. I have no other ideas, anyway. Where would I go? The coast? I have some gas now, but not enough to make it all the way there. And even if I did, it’s not like there’s anything there waiting for me.

“The coast” was just an idea, a thought, a figment. There was never anything there for me. Just the ocean. See, I’ve never been to the ocean before. I’m a midwesterner, tried and true. We have beaches, sure. Lake beaches. Lake Superior is pretty close to an ocean to the naked eye, but it's not the same. It’s not what I really want to see.

Like everything else in life, I want the real thing.

But other than sating my strange fascination, there was never any point to it. It was just an excuse to run away. I can keep going that way and run out of gas a quarter of the way there, or I can go hang out with the hottie who is waiting for me at four, who is warm and tempting and inviting, who has food and a place for me to stay the night.

Honestly, there was never really a choice to begin with. From the moment I left, I was always going to go back to Addy’s. Who am I kidding?

“Hey, Lamb!” her face lights up as she hears the bell jingle and sees me enter. “My very favorite customer.”

I blush furiously. “Oh, please. I’m sure you say that to all the—” it’s only then that I notice there are several other faces staring my way. Sitting on the couches to the left are a handful of teens and twenty-somethings, all leaning over a pile of books, loose papers, and a large foldout of something or other. Sitting on a stool in front of the counter is someone with long violet dreadlocks and a ton of piercings—nostril, septum, eyebrow, lips, snake bites, you name it. They have the lean build of an athlete, with toned arms and legs that make mine look like pool noodles. They look about the same age and height as Addy, but where Addy is all soft curves and smooth, pale skin, the only curves this person can claim are well-defined muscles.

The teens in the corner all go back to huddling over whatever they’re up to. Addy and her friend continue to whisper back and forth as I make my way over. I wither under their gaze, timid little lamb as I am. “Lamb, this is my friend Val. I told you about them earlier.” Addy nudges Val and motions to me. “Val, this is that adorable little lamb I happened to take in this morning.”

“You’re right,” Val says as they look me over, wearing a shit-eating grin. “They are a real cutie.”

“Name’s Lum, actually,” I squeak.

“I’m glad you came back. I was beginning to worry you fueled up and skipped town,” Addy says, although her cocky grin speaks otherwise. “So what’d you wind up doing?”

I bite my tongue, recalling my shameful display at the library. “I, uhh, took out a book to kill the time,” I explain, revealing the romance novel tucked underneath my armpit. Addy takes one look at it and her smile vanishes for just a moment—a real blink-and-you’d-miss-it moment that I just happened to catch. I can’t tell what she was looking at precisely. Was it the title? The art of the two characters on the cover? The library label?

Regardless, she recovers herself quickly. “Oh. Cool.”

“Oh, I’ve read that one!” Val coos. “Pretty steamy, Lum.”

I squirm. Oh, I know. 

After a silent beat, Addy clears her throat. “Welp. Time to lock up. Val, care to do the honors while you’re here? I’d like to attend to my little Lamb.”

Val rolls their eyes with a knowing smile. “Sure, no problem. Hey nerds,” they call out to the people in the back, raising their voice to pierce through the music. “Time to pack it in. You don’t have to dungeon crawl at home, but you can’t dungeon crawl here.”

So that’s what they were up to. I should have realized. The piles of loose paper and the occasional clattering of something on the table is pretty obvious, now that I think about it. I was too fixated on Addy to even notice. Even now, I can barely take my eyes off of her. She’s wearing that smirk again, that “I got what you want and I know it” smirk that I just can’t get enough of. I want to kiss it right off of her. 

No. Bad Lum. She’s just offering you a place to stay for the night because she’s kind and she’s taking pity on you. You’re a lost lamb, not an object of desire. Last time you tried to be somebody’s plaything, it was a disaster. Not again, no more.

The teens all groan and start packing up their things, stuffing papers into folders, dice into bags, hardcover manuals into backpacks. One of them—the dungeon master, judging from her place at the head of the table—heads over to the counter and places a twenty dollar bill on the counter. She’s a tiny little thing with big round glasses and a messy brown mullet, her hair curling at the ends. “Thanks again for letting us play here, Addy.” 

Addy shakes her head and pushes the twenty back. “You know your money’s no good here. You’re family. This space is yours, always.”

The girl beams and takes the money back. “You’re the best.” She notices me for the first time, looking me over with a bit of a blush, and pulls one of her curly fringe bangs behind her ear, tucking it under her glasses. It pops out a moment later of its own accord. “Hey. I’m Rey.”

“Lum.” This girl is adorable. I kinda want to keep her in my pocket. Lil’ pocket geek. “Rey, like, Star Wars?”

She flushes red and nods. “Urusei Yatsura?” she says back, referencing the anime my name is taken from. 

I nod with a grin. Damn, she knows her stuff. “Nice to meet you. It’s cool you get to play in a place like this.”

Addy is watching the conversation like a kid in a zoo watching monkeys interacting, mouth hung slightly open in a surprised grin. “Would you…maybe like to play with us sometime?” Rey asks, pushing her glasses up her nose. Shit, that’s cute. 

“Hell yeah!” I say reflexively. Then I realize what I just agreed to and stammer out, “I mean, um, I might not be in town too long. Just passing through.”

“Oh,” Rey says, glancing back and forth between me and Addy like she’s just realizing something for the very first time. “Oh, oh, no worries, I just mean, like, if you ever, you know. Um. Wanted to, like. Nevermind.” She trails off and slugs her backpack over her shoulder. “Seeya, Addy! And nice to meet you, Lum.”

See you around, I almost say, but that’s the thing: I won’t, will I? I’m just staying the night and then heading out in the morning. If I can scrounge up the cash. Maybe one more day helping Addy out to repay her for letting me stay and that’s it. 

Rey and the rest of her party duck out of the café, a series of bell jingles in their wake. All of a sudden, it feels very quiet in here. Finally, Addy drops a hand to my shoulder and rocks me back and forth, gasping. “She liiiiiikes you! Ohmygod, Rey has a crush on you. This is amazing. You’re amazing.”

I give Addy a look that I can only imagine is one of shock, but it must not come off that way, because Addy bursts out in laughter. “No, you don’t understand,” she says in between chuckles, “Val and I have been trying to set that girl up for ages. Dating pool in this town’s not exactly huge, especially for people like us. Girl’s more pent up than a pipe about to burst. Now I’m doubly glad you stopped by.”

Does that mean Addy isn’t interested? Shut up, brain. Of course Addy isn’t interested, look at her. She’s a punk goddess and you’re a disaster. 

“All right, all right,” Val chimes in. “You two get out of here. I’ll lock up.”

“Shall we?” Addy offers me her arm. 

Okay, this is stupid, but I’ve never been offered an arm to hang on before. I’ve only ever been the hangee, not the hanger, if that makes sense. I’m not used to this dynamic. I’m used to having to fake the kind of confidence someone wants to see in a lover. The boldness, the charisma, the charm. Basically everything Addy is and I am not. And that’s just the thing: it’s not me. I can’t do it. I always end up crumbling, and when I crumble, so does everything else, too. It’s what happened with Jules. It’s what happened with Hannah.

But this is different. Addy doesn’t care about that. She knows me at my worst—out of money, out of gas, on the run, nowhere to go—and she still wants me to hang on her arm. 

It’s not even a question. I slip my arm around hers, smiling like I haven’t smiled in years. She leads me through the back and up a narrow set of stairs. Twinkling LED lights are wrapped around the banister, changing to a different color of the rainbow every so often. When we reach the top, Addy unlocks the door and guides me into her apartment.

With the flick of a single switch, the place comes alive in a way I never would have expected. Soft hues fill the space, obscured slightly by a canopy of translucent multicolored veils that disperse the light and bathe the room in color. Music—slow, quiet, jazzy—drifts out of a speaker somewhere, or I swear to Gods, it’s coming from the walls themselves. A sliding door to my right is open to reveal a wonderfully plush bed overflowing with pillows. Further ahead, there’s a small kitchen, a modest TV, and two couches that look suspiciously similar to the ones downstairs. The walls are covered in band posters and artwork, lots of nudes, lots of queer shit. At the far end is the very same set of windows I’d spotted from the street earlier this morning. I give captain skelly-man another salute. 

It’s small, homely. Nobody would ever say Addy lives in luxury. But godsdamn did she ever make this space hers. I’ve only known her for a day, and even I know this place fits her perfectly. 

“This is it,” she says softly. “Make yourself at home.”

I lock up for a second, just long enough for Addy to notice. Sometimes when I’m feeling a little overwhelmed, my thoughts take control. A million things race through my head. Most of them are things like: you’re intruding on her space, she doesn’t really want you here, she’s just being nice, you should leave her alone. But Addy just locks her fingers with mine and slides her thumb across the back of my hand. It’s hot to the touch. “Hey.” I snap my eyes back to hers and find myself getting lost in them. “It’s totally fine. I want you here.”

My brain, idiot it is, doesn’t believe her. “Really? It’s not a bother?”

She smirks. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather you be.”

I can’t help it anymore. The hottest girl imaginable wants me in her apartment. My knees wobble. Why? I want to say, but instead I swallow hard and continue to stare at her face, her soft hazel eyes, her lips, her cheekbones, her lips, her pointed chin, gods, her lips—

“So,” Addy practically whispers, breaking the spell we are apparently both under. “Wanna get comfy?”

Oh. My heart rushes. Oh my. She’s not breaking the spell. She’s the one casting it.

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